Thought I was done here!
It is funny how we grow change adapt fuddle shine walk with the angels and then all of a sudden a loss takes all those beautiful sunny years and puts you in a dark place, well thats what happened to me a few years ago, so this last year not being one to exit on a blah note chose to regain what I once was and forgive God.
Now if that sounds harsh, well I remembered being a beautiful little glowing ball of gold light, happy full of excitement, then I came to Earth school....oh boy.....many life times so many experiences, knowing it was all part of the plan....
I have always created whateve I wanted, riches and that were not part of my wants, being a mother was my greatest joy.....
Finding great sorrow at being a parent was not in the plan..lol at least not how I felt about it....
Today I have forgiven all past lives and future lives and most of all this one, each of us has a path we choose every moment...we have to except that people, even children leave our lives because they are on thier path and they do not fit in ours...
I have been on a path to create great amounts of money in my life for the sole reason of making my husbands life a bit easier and supporting the new thoughts and ideals of new (yet old ways) of being...In this process some things came to the fore front that I was totally unaware of... being a pretty happy and contented soul I found my joy was a pittiful sorrow and my anger was my passion (with husband(easy to do when they are an alcholic))....lol but wow what a eye opener on how much I had let seperation and loss change me....
We are not meant to be just our job, wether that is a "mom", "dad" or our actual work, we are meant to be us....US!
This has been the hardest road for me to realize...I put all of me into my children, to the point that they really know nothing about who I am except Mom.
When I found myself home alone searching for answers on what to do next, I realized that for the first time I could follow my inner hearts desire for my art and writing, my art has actually taken the forefront right now, I had to re-group everything, my joy, my purpose my expectations of self....I find that now after several years of personal torment that I still have alot to offer the world and I love alot of things I truly had put on a shelf as later, later is here and wow finally I can freely explore the universe of all its wonders and create as I please with out concern.
I guess the point is, do Not check out until you have firmly learned to love yourself as self, not as a mother, father, workers, husband wife....just you!
Your joy must be from deep within and brought forward in great excitement that you are alive and enriched by all that you have experienced, lord death isn't but a seperation I should know I talk to all who have gone on to the light daily. This life and all the rest are but stories, written by us to exeprience great emotions and still be able to love and shine our light, the knowing is this, nothing we experience here is permanent or real, our soul is real, we all catch up again, we explore other things again.....So live....live out Loud, Shine its ok it is what we were meant to do, experience and move forward......Love and Blessings
Now if that sounds harsh, well I remembered being a beautiful little glowing ball of gold light, happy full of excitement, then I came to Earth school....oh boy.....many life times so many experiences, knowing it was all part of the plan....
I have always created whateve I wanted, riches and that were not part of my wants, being a mother was my greatest joy.....
Finding great sorrow at being a parent was not in the plan..lol at least not how I felt about it....
Today I have forgiven all past lives and future lives and most of all this one, each of us has a path we choose every moment...we have to except that people, even children leave our lives because they are on thier path and they do not fit in ours...
I have been on a path to create great amounts of money in my life for the sole reason of making my husbands life a bit easier and supporting the new thoughts and ideals of new (yet old ways) of being...In this process some things came to the fore front that I was totally unaware of... being a pretty happy and contented soul I found my joy was a pittiful sorrow and my anger was my passion (with husband(easy to do when they are an alcholic))....lol but wow what a eye opener on how much I had let seperation and loss change me....
We are not meant to be just our job, wether that is a "mom", "dad" or our actual work, we are meant to be us....US!
This has been the hardest road for me to realize...I put all of me into my children, to the point that they really know nothing about who I am except Mom.
When I found myself home alone searching for answers on what to do next, I realized that for the first time I could follow my inner hearts desire for my art and writing, my art has actually taken the forefront right now, I had to re-group everything, my joy, my purpose my expectations of self....I find that now after several years of personal torment that I still have alot to offer the world and I love alot of things I truly had put on a shelf as later, later is here and wow finally I can freely explore the universe of all its wonders and create as I please with out concern.
I guess the point is, do Not check out until you have firmly learned to love yourself as self, not as a mother, father, workers, husband wife....just you!
Your joy must be from deep within and brought forward in great excitement that you are alive and enriched by all that you have experienced, lord death isn't but a seperation I should know I talk to all who have gone on to the light daily. This life and all the rest are but stories, written by us to exeprience great emotions and still be able to love and shine our light, the knowing is this, nothing we experience here is permanent or real, our soul is real, we all catch up again, we explore other things again.....So live....live out Loud, Shine its ok it is what we were meant to do, experience and move forward......Love and Blessings
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